Please stop being so hard on yourself. ‘Depressed’ and ‘pathetic’ aren’t synonymous. You can’t help being depressed. Just remember that you’re not necessarily pathetic for being depressed.

Also please forgive your friend. They didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t help who you are/aren’t attracted to. Odds are that someone has been attracted to you and it wasn’t reciprocated. It be like that sometimes. They were probably trying to be a good friend and help you during a very rough time. People fall for people sometimes. It works out and it doesn’t work out. Everyone faces rejection at some point and life is full of it. Does it mean we stop going on? No. I know it’s difficult to not be angry and bitter and you probably fell for this person because they were probably one among a few, if not the only one who showed you kindness, but you simply must move on. Unrequited love is just painful and not fun, as you know. I know it’s hard to move on, but time will heal this wound, friend.