I found the whole of life get a lot easier when I stopped trying to define an identity. You don't have to. We use labels to tell people who we are, but it's much more effective just to show them.

There is nothing I can't stand more in a personality than a person who continuously says, "I'm the kind of person who...". It creates this barrier between the person I see, and their self assessments of themselves.

Your self assessments won't show people who you are, and are evidently only causing you stress. Focus on acting kindly, doing what seems right and feels right. The labels and definitions are a short hand that will never quite fit. If there is ever a use for them, it's trying to find the best fit after you've just accepted yourself.