This introduces us to Part 2.

Yup. I could do stuff. I keep thinking about doing stuff. I can see it all pretty well enough from here. Sure, all that stuff would be fun.... but.... there's nothing I really care about that much more than another these days. I enjoy living in my fictional worlds of TV, Movies and Video Games. If I push myself to do something soon... and I think i'm on the edge, it'll either or both be starting to read books again as a constant obsessive thing... or start programming and designing my own video game.

But yeah sure, I could probably go to malaysia or something, spend some time on a beach... I even keep thinking about just taking a laptop and going somewhere for 3 months... somewhere nice and tropical.

cause the way i've set up my life right now -- it's all ready. no attachments, barely anything to pack. no pets. I can just up and anywhere tomorrow. literally.

But... what?

I could go either way. Bother to think up something that might not suck, or just say 'ok, that's enough, i'm done'.

Cause i'm good. Doesn't really matter to me that much. I'll see how it goes anyway. Maybe tomorrow i'll find my true calling where I belong and what i'm supposed to do.

but yeah i'm pretty open. just kinda tired to keep looking so hard. I think a lot of it is the realization society is wrong. terribly broken. I don't really want to participate any longer. I feel betrayed, lied to well it's just wrong is all. It could be so much better.

of course I know I should exercise more.... my body is doing ok... but yeah not fit. I just mostly don't see the point.

I tried doing all the good things. I do try every little while... for a few months. probably actual depression figures into that too.

anyway. I don't care and I don't care that I don't care, not really. but we'll see how it goes tomorrow. no imminent threat anyhow. my default state is 'no change'.

thanks