I don't know what to do

Well, I'm just going to say it, don't commit suicide! Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly and purify your heart, mind and lips. It is never ever, an option, a consideration, a thing you joke about, or something you use for attention and is definitely not a way to solve problems. Your life is a gift from your heavenly father and he is the one who measures your time on earth.

Keep studying the scriptures. You're mom is wise and I think, part of what you're doing by reading the scriptures demonstrates that you are too. You're not living on the testimony or word of someone else, but finding out for yourself what you believe is true and expressing a desire to know more about heavenly father.

Being scared of the unknown is a natural response, but one that everyone around you can relate to, so talk with them, think things through. You should feel at peace or at least optimistic about your choices, which I think you do, but are having a small life pressures panic attack. When we allow despair to color our decisions or our thoughts, tragic outcomes become a possibility. In anything we do or think about there is a certain kind of self-fulfilling prophecy that happens based on our personal outlook, so for the sake of actual happiness, we need to keep and reinforce our heart and mind to accentuate the positive.

There is a saying I heard in a sacrament meeting which originally came from Pres. Dieter Uctdorf that I have taken to heart. "Darkness exists, but do not dwell there." I recommend also checking out talks that suit your fancy from Pres. Hinckley. I have nothing but a profound respect for that man's optimism and I recommend listening to him.

Best wishes.

/r/latterdaysaints Thread