5 very negative aspects of modesty
"Modesty is a nuisance" is a phrase that everyone who knows me, especially my coaching clients, has heard me say once (or many). And it is that, in my opinion, we confuse modesty with humility on too many occasions and this error does us a disservice.
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Let's see what the RAE says about modesty: "Virtue that moderates, tempers and regulates external actions, containing man within the limits of his state, according to what is convenient for him." I don't know if I just understood the meaning, but what is clear is that modesty is considered a virtue. I disagree. I would define modesty as the act of deliberately concealing, concealing, or denying positive qualities and abilities that we possess. If this is a virtue, let Beyoncé come and see it.
In not a few of the workshops that I teach for the unemployed, specifically those in which we train to face a successful job interview, I find that my students are very shy when it comes to talking about their achievements, successes, talents, and abilities. "I don't want to be arrogant in the interview," they often tell me. To which I usually respond with the question "If a job interview is not the time to speak well of yourself when is it?" And it is that in these situations we have two options: either we take our grandmother to the interview or speak for ourselves about what makes us stand out.
I summarize in the following 5 points those damages that the fact of being so modest is causing us.
1. It damages our self-esteem
We have been taught that modesty is a great virtue in such a way that there are very few occasions when we speak of ourselves in positive terms. So much so that when someone discovers one of our talents and makes mention, we hurry to deny or downplay it with phrases like "it's not so bad, anyone can do it just like me." What's more, in that eagerness not to be arrogant we end up even highlighting how bad we feel we are.
This habit of speaking badly about ourselves ends up undermining our self-esteem, since our brain archives and strengthens our recurring thoughts.
2. It prevents us from reaching our goals
When starting a coaching process it is essential to know what tools we have to achieve our goals, among them, the most important are our talents and abilities. The problem is that by hiding them, we end up believing that we do not have any tool with which to work on our goals, we feel incapable, which ends up generating, without a doubt, frustration. On many occasions, we don't even try.
3. We judge poorly those who do speak well of themselves
Given that, as I have said, we usually confuse modesty with humility, we tend to dismiss as arrogant and conceited the person who speaks naturally of his potential. It is necessary to understand that what makes a person humble is the fact that, no matter how many talents or possessions they have, they do not feel superior to others. I would add that having great talent and pretending that we don't have it so that others don't judge us is hypocritical. To make it understood, it is very different to say "I play the guitar well" to say "I am the best at playing the guitar and you are ignorant because you are not able to put two notes together". Can you see the difference?
4. Someone can take all the credit
In the world of work, a person who does his job well and also bothers himself to be known, has a much better chance of promoting than one who leaves no record of his good work. Sometimes, in our desire to be modest, we even allow others to hang our medals. Well, if you are one of those who allow this to happen, you cannot blame anyone but yourself.
5. Minimize our personal brand
In one of my 4-day occupational training workshops, after several dynamics and interview role-play, a student told me "I speak 5 languages fluently". When I asked him why he hadn't said it before, he answered the typical thing: "I didn't want to be arrogant." I wonder all the hours that a person spends for years to be able to speak 5 languages fluently, does he not have the right to be able to express it naturally? What world do we live in?
The personal brand is the mark that we leave on others, that is, what people think and remember about us. In my personal brand coaching processes, we work so that a person's work, talent, and qualities are known to as many people as possible, which greatly favors professional projection. What use are all your training, your experience, your values, your skills ... if nobody knows them? There is a big difference between the person who wants to be a singer and expects to be discovered by chance at karaoke by a great music producer, who creates a YouTube channel where millions of people can enjoy their talent.