I have been exactly there.

Used to hide alcohol in water bottles from my wife. I'd aim to secretly get as drunk as I could to forget stress and anxiety, all the while pretending to be sober to not get "caught."

Eventually, it got so bad, my body hurt, I was so ashamed, I was terrified of not drinking, but terrified of drinking. Life was miserable.

Went to AA. Hated it. People sucked, seemed like losers. Stopped going.

Drank more. Cycle continued. Misery got so bad I said fuck it, I'll do what those AA people say. I got a sponsor and he worked the steps with me.

Life is immeasurably better now. Get a sponsor. Are you scared? Good. We all were. Its terrifying, but it beats the alternative. Are you too scared to hide booze from your wife? Miss important dates? You should be a lot less scared of approaching someone in AA who will love you and understand all your issues, not because they have a degree, or a PhD or whatever, but because they have been EXACTLY where you are.

Also, you should see a real MD doctor physician too for detox. Doctors help get you sober, AA helps keep you that way.

Good luck, write me any time for anything.