Looking over your post and through the comments. The first thing that stands out to me is medication is not always the answer. Please understand that the feelings you are experiencing are only there because you are allowing them to exist. Please don't take this as a weakness. Think about that for a moment... all this shit that you are going through is your mind telling you that you are not good enough or not strong enough to cope with life as it's been presented to you. That alone means that you have the ability to understand how unbelievably precious life is, because you understand that you have to do something "special" with it. But here is where things become muddled. "Special" means exactly what you want it to. You don't have to cure cancer or solve the economy to be a productive member of society. Humanity itself would not be where we are right now if it hadn't been for people taking care of things in the background. Think of it in terms of a huge Hollywood production. Do you think that Harry Potter would have been able to fight off Voldemort "on screen" hadn't it been for the people behind the scenes making everything work? Frodo, Terminator, Blart or even Carlin (Love me some Carlin)? I understand that these are extremely random examples but if you think about it, all you have to to is find something that you are passionate about, and then live for that. Baking bread? - Bakery. You like things clean? - Janitor. You want to kick ass? - Army. Love colors and shapes and your good at it? - try being an artist for a while. Want to help people decide how to spend their money? - Retail. Every job you do is important for the sole reason that if you don't do it, who will? That is not at all a bad thing, it's something to be proud of, quite honestly! Go out into the world, live let live, experience and educate (not only yourself but also others), live your life. If you find yourself still wanting or needing by the end of your journey, by all mean s seek medical help. I have been on anti anxiety meds before, they didn't work for me but that's a different' story. They do work for my dad. Everyone is different. Just try before you sign off on everything.