So I just got out of the shower and I'm sitting naked, constipated, trying to shit
My brother knocks on the door "Mom wants to know what you want for dinner"
"I don't care, anything's fine"
He walks away and comes back "She wants to know if ordering pizza's okay"
She always orders the shittiest, cheapest pizza imaginable and the specific place she orders from gives me diarrhea every single time. They both have to know this because I tell them every time. My brother and mother are morbidly obese but I'm actually an average weight so their stomachs are used to garbage and mine isn't
"I'd prefer not. It depends on where it's from"
He walks away and comes back "She says she wants pizza"
"Okay why are you asking for my opinion then?"
He lets out this frustrated sigh "I'm not going to be your messenger!"
"Okay, well I'm pooping on the toilet so why don't you wait until I'm out of the bathroom?"
He lets out another frustrated sigh "Okay, you talk to her!" He OPENS the door and walks into the bathroom trying to give me his cell phone
"What the fuck?? I'm naked and shitting right now dude!"
"Take it!" he angrily says
I take the cell phone. "Is she not even home right now??"
He leaves and closes the door behind him
So now I'm basically completely mortified that my brother saw me butt naked trying to take a shit
"Hiii~~~" my mom says on the phone
"Hi."
"So what do you want for dinner?"
"Anything's okay."
"Okaaayyy~~~~ I'll order pizza then!"
"Fine, sure"
"Okaayyy~~~ See you in a bit! Byeee~~~"
"Bye"
She hangs up
Brother opens the door again and walks back over to me with his hand outstretched to retrieve his phone
I'm still naked
"What the fuck, dude, just wait till I'm done!"
Give him the phone and he leaves