Editing my suicide letter is therapeutic.

Well, i am a lot older than you (40) and have not had a history or depression or suicidal thoughts (apart from a short stint in my mid tenns). Lately i have found myself in a predicament where i realize i have nothing of much worth (no money, no educational degrees, a job which i despise which sucks since i work for myself and can't easily get out of what i do without letting a lot of people down, oh and when i say i have no money what i actually mean is 8000 debt with zero savings, $300 in the bank and a meager income and no house, assets, car, children, or partner. ). Up until recently i had a very positive spirit with a lot of peace with the choices i have made, and i had self confidence and a zest for life and freedom.

Recently i have been lamenting a very difficult relationship with my parents (long divorced,so they are separate issues. incredibly narcissistic unwell mother, father with a superiority complex, different sides of the world). Just the fact that we are so very different that we cannot relate honestly. And everyone in my family is alone and single (each parent, each uncle, all siblings) and enormously different in mindset, there are distractions of children and lighthearted life stuff. I'm rambling Ignore me.

You are so young <I hope you find your way out of these dark shadows. Can you move away from your parents so that you are not so affected by their beleifs, and have a chance to create new relationship with people who are more on your level. If you make friends or at least meet people who have similar challenges, it makes accepting your parent's as imperfect in their beliefs easier to manage. Less oppresive and final.

Perhaps you do need some kind of therapy. Whatever the case you certainly need not be hard on yourself for feeling like you are peeling away curtains and seeing the world with fresh eyes as an adult, with regards to the religion thing. As children we are fed the truths of our parents.

The best piece of advice i can give if to spend time outside and get some exercise. It's truly the only thing that is remotely helping me lately. Much love.

/r/depression Thread Parent