PART 2. Isolator - metaphorically, these are the dividers which turn a swimming pool of possible options into a swim lane. They stop the sub from escaping, and they limit the way the sub can commit an action into predictable paths. Feedback. Feedback is how the abuser lets the abused know whether they've succeeded. It can be anything from a violent punch in the face (task 0% complete) to a passionate love making session (task 100% complete). This is the reward or punishment for the abused for progress on their action - a measure of how far down the metaphorical swimlane they've gone. Hot and cold behaviour is a great way to provide feedback to the abused, snapping or triggering behaviour works even better. He did all of these. Counter-Exhibit - Continuing from the Isolator, the Counter-Exhibit is evidence provided by the abuser that he's not abusing you. It stops the abused from seeking advice from themselves. Some very common examples of this in the real world are apologies the morning after from the abuser to the victim. "I'm sorry I hit you, I was just really angry, I'm not angry now, I promise it wont happen again. The abused takes this counter exhibit and uses it to rationalise her past choices, and decides she's not being abused - it was just a bad night. In 50 shades, her constant showering in expensive gifts was an exhibit to both her and her friends that there was no abuse going on - that her relationship was in fact envious, as well as the positive feedback she received for completing actions successfully. And that's how basic emotional abuse works. Its an easy trap to fall into and become the victim to an emotional abuser. I know this not just because many people around me had this happen to them, but also because I personally fell into one once.
Mr Grey is an asshole.
I'm going move into my second category of pointing out things he's done which I consider absolute fuck-tard behaviour by Mr Grey. I'm not including intentionally manipulative behaviour - that's the previous section.
A consistent theme shown throughout the first part of the movie was negotiation was one way. Anastasia has to negotiate and give ground, but he never does. He doesn't give ground in any of his cruelest demands, yet she is reminded several times that this "is a negotiation" when she protests her case.
She was asked her to sign a contract before common things were explained to her. "What's a butt plug?" was asked - to the amusement of the audience - however considerable pressure was placed on her to sign it before she was given clear understanding of what she was being asked to consent to. It's fairly intuitive that uninformed consent is not consent.
Despite her not signing the contract, or even informally agreeing to it, protocol was being enforced. He stated something like "Nothing will begin until you sign this and give your consent", yet he was punishing or calling her out for specific things in the contract like touching him without consent or consuming excessive alcohol, and telling her to kneel at the door waiting when he walks into the room - before she's consented to anything or signed the contract.
He doesn't care what state she's in, her mood was irrelevant to him. And while one scene he shows his skills in reading body language, but in the rest, he is totally ignoring her feelings - as if trying to teach her that her feelings are irrelevant. He behaves like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory - viewing her state of mind as a hindrance in getting what he wants, and unwilling to consider any part of the other person's position.
He broke into her apartment when she was asleep - they were at a down point and he 'made it right' by walking in on her, and waking her up at the right moment. Doms, don't try this at home! Unfortunately, he's rewarded with kinky sex, so everyone will take the wrong message home from this scene.
Looking back from the end of the film, I don't think he ever answered a non-trivial question from her honestly and openly. He always dodged the issue and turned it back on her somehow.
The final play scene showed her crying scared during a play, and then run away from him, and, while you may hear it argued she never "RED"'d, he had just not a minute before said "fuck the contract" - so she could've easily believed she no longer had a safe word.
Oh, and He ordered her to go on the contraceptive pill without negotiation. Before any contract signed or consent or anything. And she does. On top of this, this is the USA where abortion / contraception issues are a considerably more controversial social issue than Australia.
BDSM technique fails.
The amount of simple BDSM mistakes was surprising to me, as I'd read online that the actor had taken lessons and even attended local scene parties in order to get an understanding of what he was portraying. He visibly used tightening slip knots for limb restraining, he does a partial suspension despite her stating that suspension is a hard limit, the only clearly portrayed flogging hit her lower abdomen, as did a crop, and the very first spank shown in the film landed squarely on the base of her spine. He also was unable to separate play from sex and viewed them as one.
A spread eagle rope bondage scene was shown - in which all 4 of her limbs where visibly restrained with slip knots. Now, I'm no angel when it comes to knot selection, but jeez, a percentage of the audience is going to try this for the first time within an hour of the credits rolling, and I suspect they wanted to show an easy knot so that the "50 shades of grey collection silk bondage rope" would sell well.
She states suspension is hard limit. If you connect the on-screen shots of her contract with the dialog, its actually her only one, as his only other suggested limits ("anal and vaginal fisting") piques her interest and she asks that it be not included in the limit lits. Yet, in one of the long play montages about 70% through the movie, a partial suspension is shown with her wrists in suspension cuffs, cuffed to a movable overhead grid and her feet momentarily coming off the ground.
He cropped and flogged her, on the front of lower abdomen. The area with lots of sensitive squishy bits and not much in the way of protection. This is not a good idea to hit - eg one of a partner's other partners gave her a few good hits with a small tawste in that area and 2 days later there are moments where we're considering a trip to the emergency ward due to pain.
The first spank shown in the film was targeted towards to arse - but fell on the base of her spine. As a guess I'd say they wanted to show her face and the first spank fall in the same frame, and chose a well layed out frame instead of something safe. Now, it wasn't a very hard spank, borderline sensation-play levels, but still, members of the audience are going to try this at home.
All play is sexual to Mr Grey. No play did he keep his pants on. I'm not saying I'm concerned with people who have sex during play - as even I do this occasionally - I'm writing here that it was shown that sex occurs every play. They used BDSM as a form of foreplay, and, at least not on screen, it was never shown as being stand-alone. I'd almost go so far as to say they only did fetishised sex with adequate foreplay, rather than BDSM.
Conclusion
So my visit went like this: about an hour in, I got my phone out and started noting the mistakes made in the film. These were mistakes made by most newbies, myself included. During which time the sub sitting next to me was face palming every other minute... and then dots started connecting in my head, and his earlier action's intentions became clear, so much so that the second hour of the movie I was pretty much taking notes of all the abusive behaviour, and in the final minutes I was basically comforting the traumatised sub next to me. I was glad when the credits rolled, because another few minutes of watching the culmination of emotional abuse and I'd of had to of walked out to have saved the subs mental health.
I apologise to the kink scene for going to see it - because my $16 will partially go back to the producer, and influence his decision to produce a sequel. Please don't go see it. Torrent a cam if you must, but for the love of all things kink this movie does not represent us.
–-Ash