it's almost like the required NASA suits are Functional

And so is this. It keeps you alive if the pressure vessel fails.

All IVA suits from Apollo to Soyuz contained safety equipment, small portable emergency tanks, strobe lights and even parachutes and life rafts.

...because those were part of the overall safety architecture. For instance Shuttle required parachutes, strobes, and rafts because one of the (suicidal, imo) abort modes had astronauts bailing out of the shuttle. Dragon has no such abort mode, because it has no glide phase of flight.

EDIT: please direct me to the hookups in This picture to plug these suits into a ship-board air system?

SHIT!!! BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD GUYS!