My depression is a lot better thanks to a switch up in meds and leaning hard on CBT. I feel like I've lost some of my sense of humour and spark, but it's better than praying for death.

I shouldn't be dating until I've got my career back on track. That's a hard pill to swallow in my early thirties, it feels like time's slipping by too fast. I'm lonely despite the occasional FWB visit.

My oldest friend and ex is still in love with me and I just can't make the feelings happen that I should have to reciprocate properly. He refuses to cut things off even while (I think, he disagrees) that it's keeping him from getting into anything serious with the women he sees. We rely on each other so much that it doesn't feel right to cut him off, even if I were selfless enough to do it.

In much lighter news, I have a crush on the guy who runs the place I'm volunteering at but I'm 90% sure he's just super friendly rather than interested, on top of that whole romantic quarantine thing.