If anything, pwBPD are the last people I’d expect to be able to have a mature, respectful polyamorous relationship. It’s interesting to me how many of them seem to come to the conclusion that polyamory is the solution to their pattern of destroying relationships. My ex brought the same suggestion about two years after we started dating.

Really, that’s all the red flags I should’ve needed. Someone who is actually polyamorous, and responsible/mature enough to handle all that entails, could never enter a relationship with a monogamous partner. I’m not even poly and I know that’s like rule no 1.

Who knows the real reasons why they decide they are “poly”. To me it seems like a convenient excuse to request an open bedroom, without risking losing their current supply. If she really cared about what you think, she wouldn’t tell you that your being triggered feels like punishment. That’s textbook manipulation on her part.

I can also see how it would be easy for pwBPD to misunderstand the entire meaning of polyamory. They probably think it is simply the opposite of monogamy, which they inevitably struggle with. But whether you are poly or monogamous, in order for the relationship to work and be healthy you have to be mature enough to handle the commitment. Their trouble with monogamy is the same problem they’d have with polyamory: they do not love.

Not trying to write a thesis, I’m just struck by how many pwBPD seem to identify as polyamorous. I’m sure there are people in the poly community who have had their relationships similarly tanked by BPD pathologies.