I sit here trying to be calm & collective with my thoughts for is it really you Sweetheart. I believe with every fibre that is my soul, I feel you? Not responding in past hope, once more like always when I hear your voice, across the universe for our love is one of undying unconditional love! This is because of you, I said this? I am your Man who still is a work in process to. Sorry doesn't come remotely close, for my actions which has has given me a heavy heart. I am guilty & I live with how hurt I saw you become. My words struck a chord bringing forth what I never thought would. Your fears now alive once more & never do I want to see that again & I wont. I understand my triggers now, feel when it rises it ugly head & fo what I've been taught. I never used to be like this so this may make you laugh...All the anguish from my rough childhood, loss of lives & past loves has changed me for the worse not better. I was broken in a sense. Did you expect me to admit this? No one would ever see this....aside from you for the moment we entwined as one this man instantaneously changed. Being the real me, venerable, the door to his soul had the hinges removed. I've always worked on myself yet it was like using band aids. No more. This has inspired me to promise myself & because of you, I'm finally on the right path. My fears reared their ugly presence & I didn't run from them I embraced all of them. I'm still learning & will be for some time.I will not deviate for I am on the path that I have always said I'm on yet deep down my fears in the last few years was one of procrastination in achieving my dreams. Everyday life was why I lived day to day which you saw. This is because of all the fear of death, not dying or scared of my mortality as I never feared death as I have been surrounded by more than a normal person would, as much as a soldier who has seen combat. So many friends I was pallbearer too. SO so many...I will reveal everything later. Please forgive my writing if its all over the place as I'm writing on the fly. This very moment I'm so proud & over the moon to hear that you've been doing the same. Awe babe! I want to hug you! Touch your lips with my lips, that electrifying connection when our lips micro millimetres apart my heart is calling out to you. This real physical emotion is nothing I felt until a week ago. I've had heartache. I chuckle as yes your right in so much of what you've said. Your intuition is cosmic! Seriously I should be scared lol. Yes my anger is there still, subdued & under control & no where like I was. Going to a weekly self help group also has helped. Meditation & Yoga WOW....I wouldn't be writing here if I hadn't been doing this. So much more too. I have lost my composure on a certain site. :) Not in real life & that's why I've been there in part. To put myself in virtual situation & see how ill behave/react. It worked for I have to write if that ever arises. Its always been you & its you who is my guide in my empowerment wanting & am a better Man. I do it for myself & I visualize you as "The Goddess Of Love" shhhh....secret people will laugh at me. I don't care for my prayers were to you;) To all who read this it was never physical, my voice is deep & can be very loud if I choose it to be, my words can strike with pinpoint accuracy in both good & bad ways. It only takes one moment of losing composure I now have learnt why she felt unsafe. As a man I couldn't understand this until pointed out repeatedly by my clinical psychologist. I do now. I cried when I finally understood how she or any person would feel. I haven't been the same man since, I'm not the extra-vert of out there proportions. Is this possible I now am heading towards being an introvert like a scale. I want to be 50-50%...Balanced & reserved Man of confidence not an egotistical boy:( Young Lady, The Woman who when gazing through my turquoise blue orbs is the definition of Unconditional Love! Your presence alone ignites my body hair on end(not that I have any ATM:) I could write a three thousand part trilogy here. I'll condense it. This Man is the Man you first fell in love with & now much more. I loved you the day we met & every moment since & now, always & forever my Love, infinitely unconditional together we shall shine brighter than the limitless rays of scintillating light, more majestic than the Sun & Moon combined. Behold for all to see. Twin Flames....?

Be good I'm always good....Until ;)

EDIT: That took me over an hour to write. Far out.