Um so, are you wondering WHY your wife hates you? That is if she actually does hate you. By your own admission, you are a manipulative gaslighter and narcissist. Why WOULDN'T she hate you if you are like that towards her? She may not even hate YOU. It may just be her wondering why her husband that she loves and is supposed to love her back Is making her feel crazy and unlovable and why nothing that she is doing works to make YOU happy. But this theory is only based on my own experience. She could very well have grown to hate you. If you really are narcissistic, then there is no help for you. But you say therapy won't do anything. It won't if you go in with that type of attitude. I'm getting the feeling that you're "happy" being miserable. You envy men who have happy wives/girlfriends but you're not willing to put in the work to fix yourself and help to try and make your wife happy. Hopefully things get better for you and for your family.