[EU] Juliet is 13 years old, and while Romeo's age is unspecified let's assume he's 18. Write a Shakespearean take on a Chris Hansen style character appearing as Romeo enters Juliet's room.

Formatted, because I just couldn't read yours.


Romeo walks into Juliet's room

[Romeo] Oh Juliet where for art thou.

[Indistinguishable Female] One will be in your presence in just a single moment my love.

[Romeo] One cannot wait for you to show one's beautiful face, it must shine like a thousand stars.

[Christopher Handsome] Good day sir!

Romeo taken aback by the gentleman instead of Juliet stumble upon his words and mutters

[Romeo] What sorcery is this? You are not my Juliet.

[Christopher Handsome] Indeed I am not sir. Do you knoweth upon the reason I am here?

[Romeo] My knowledge of this is eerie.

[Christopher Handsome] Let me inform you. why does one not taketh a pew upon that seat right there.

Romeo sits down

[Christopher Handsome] Well, my good sir, Juliet is only but a child she is 13 years of age and has not bled yet.

[Romeo] What, what is this that you speak off?

[Christopher Handsome] What age did you think that the fair maiden be?

Romeo once again stumble for words

[Romeo] I was reliably informed of the fact she was of child bearing age.

Christopher Handsome produces a scroll on which is a letter written to Romeo by Juliet

[Christopher Handsome] so you did not receive this, "Oh Romeo, I cannot wait to be in your company, I am not quite of age yet, but soon my love.

Romeo flushes and after some gargled noises comes out with

[Romeo] I must but not have seen this.

Christopher Handsome shows Romeo a response to this

[Christopher Handsome] "Age is but a number my love, we shall be together forever."

[Romeo] Well...

Romeo panics and makes a run for the door, upon exiting he realizes the kings horsemen are waiting for him.

He grabs a vile of poison out of his pocket and exclaims

[Romeo] Good by cruel world, Juliet without you this existence is but meaningless.

Romeo drinks the poison and collapses to the floor.

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