My head aches. I better head down to the medical level after this shift and try to get some sleeping pills if I want to be ready for my shift tomorrow. I can't take another restless night. The dreams have been getting worse. I am an engineer, not a soldier.

When I first graduated from University on Coruscant, the Empire was just emerging out of the former Republic. I thought we needed a strong hand to help keep those outer systems in line and maintain peace in the galaxy. A lot of us thought that way back then. I wanted to help build this new galactic peace. But when you are leaving the safety of school, they never tell you about the compromises you are going to make, and the slow withering away of your integrity.

Building electrical systems on star ships is a great job. Then they want you to help design some better defensive weapons and anti-asteroid lasers. Soon you are on bigger ships, with bigger weapons. Next its clearly offensive weapons, to show a strong hand against those that want to cause terror in the galaxy. But this, this has been a monstrosity from the start. There is no imaginging that this weapon is anything but a vengful war machine.

My younger self would not believe that I could help create such a weapon of war. It was so alluring at the time, so challenging to my intellect and ego, build something that no one has ever made before, more powerful generators and lasers than had even been attempted.

These night terrors and headaches are the results of my hubris. It seems like months since I had a good nights rest. The war has really heated up since then. Well the rebels have been putting up a fight, but it is still a slaughter, they can't match the weapons I helped create. Now, I find myself rooting for them. 'End this madness' I tell them, 'Save us from the destruction I have helped bring about.' It won't help.

But I am a coward. I return to my post every day, monitoring the power levels in the main weapons room. Never speaking up, never saying a word. Hoping that today won't be a day when we engage the rebels.

I feel the slight shift, characterizing the return to normal space. Based on our plotted course, we should be just behind the systems gas giant. A few more minutes and I am expecting the call.

And then it comes.

Suddenly, by rote, I am powering up and monitoring the capacitor levels. Not even thinking about the atrocity yet to come. How can I think with the million voices screaming out in my head all at once. The green light flashes, signifying that our attack vector is finally clear.

'Standby,' I tell the gunner as he is waiting for the signal that the power levels are within specifications. I look up, the capacitors are in the green, ready to be unleashed, I throttle down the generators, ready to release the build up.

I hesitate. This could be my chance to stop this madness. I've heard that the rebels are attacking, maybe they can defeat us if they had more time.

'Standby.'