3. Even though I have everything I should want, I am not happy.

Even though I have everything I should want, I am not happy.

If I am honest, I feel like I want my friends, family, everyone to understand how hard it is. Everyone depends on me. Everyone needs something from me. I do not mean money or something simple and superficial like that. Everyone uses something different, but nobody admits they are using and emptying the well. I also need help. But, my job is to never need help. My job is to be forever the rock. If I ever need help, then I have failed. But, I cannot lie. I also need help sometimes. Right now, I need help. I need someone to let me fall, let me be weak, let me not be okay. However, if I admit that, then I have failed all of them. I am not what they expected. I have been told that directly.

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I draw with my blood in my diary and i lick it of my fingers when im done. When I was younger I snooped through my sisters phone I asked my step dad to stop drinking and he called me an assh*le I lied to my parents about my grades and I might face serious repercussions I stole alcohol from the same store every other day for two years without getting caught I did something pretty perverse and I very much regret it Electronic’s company keeps refunding me for a tv I bought. I get a refund of just over $1000 every month. When I was a kid I kept the church offering money ... [deleted by user] Some of the most insufferable people are the ones who refuse to grow up My entire life is based and surrounded by lies I’ve told people I drank some rum and cola after a party my dad had. im a horrible person. I've done so many bad things. I wanna change I was a leftist for about 5+ years. Identity politics, anarchism, the whole kit and caboodle. I tried to terminate my pregnancy the entire 9 months

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