We hadn't spoken in 15 years. The argument that ended our "friendship" occurred one night after we'd had plans to go out with a group of 6-8 other people to grab dinner and catch a DJ's set. Every single person had flaked on the plans. I'd been over flakes for years at that point.
She told me I really just expected way too much from people. "Kxxxx," I replied, "expect too much from people? You and I have known each other for about 5 years at this point. For the past 2 or 3 of those, we've hung out at least once or twice a week. Talked or texted on the phone every other day, if not every day. And I don't even think you could tell me my dead brother's name. "
"You're right, " she said, "I can't. But I try really hard not to see that part of you, you know. It's not much fun. "
She got off the phone then. She thought she'd won the argument. I realized that the woman I'd spent the previous 5 years being a friend to didn't give a fuck about me at all. Didn't even know our want to know the real me. She was just in it for the good times.
She hit me up on Facebook a couple of years back. She sent me a friend request and I accepted. And that was pretty much it for 4-5 months. I could tell by her posts that she's a yoga instructor in La Jolla. All about organic foods, uggg boots, pumpkin spice lattes and namaste sisterhood. She never even attempted to speak with me.
After watching it scroll through my feed for a few months, I had no need to have it back in my life. I sent her a message that simply said "15 years later, and the time you told me that you didn't want to know my dead brother's name because that part of me wasn't any fun remains one of the most offensive things anyone has ever said to me. "
I deleted the friendship.
And off I went to work. Over the period of my shift, I probably received about 15-20 messages in response from her. She was sorry, she said. Really, really sorry. She was a completely selfish person then and a completely different person now. Wouldn't even recognize herself anymore. And besides she said, I was always so critical of everyone and everything. And not that it made things any better, but she'd just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship. Was terrified that he'd come back, she had a restraining order, she said.
I just sat at work wondering how I was going to reply, if I was going to reply at all, once i finished my shift. It was, very literally, the only time anyone from the years immediately following my father's (8 years after my brother, when I was 24) death that any of the people who had shat all over my life made even the slightest attempt to make things right. I was almost in tears.
I guess i didn't decide quickly enough, or rush to accept her apology quickly enough, because right before my shift ended, i received one final message. She explained that she'd been the only person who'd been there for me, the only real friend I'd had, and i was an asshole then and she'd be damned if she'd put up with it now.
Then she blocked me.
When I'd known her 15 years before, she'd been in advertising then, too.
In the hours I