I think we're all needy at times and it's ok to be needy. It's unhealthy to look at this like we shouldn't have needs or it's a bad thing to be 'needy'. Our needs should be addressed in relationships. A true partnership understands each others as flawed human beings, we all have stuff that we come with, it's really about how we can work with that together. What if you're feeling sad about something, and you want to be with your partner? That isn't neediness, that's requiring comfort, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What I've noticed is I can easily comfort myself, I've had long stints of single-dom, being alone is a walk in the park, but nothing's worse than being alone in a relationship. Quick tip: If you can't be alone first, don't get into a relationship.

In a relationship the fact that you open yourself to someone, to give to them as well as to receive is the fundamental nature of a true relationship. It is this service, It is this flow of energy, this combustion of trust, love, respect, care, faith and reciprocity that makes the partnership. Otherwise what on earth is the point of a relationship? Friends with Benefits? It's when this flow isn't working is when it feels painful.

And it usually isn't working and thus feels painful because people are getting missed, you're not seeing each other. How do you see each other? By looking at yourself (self-awareness), communicating, understanding, compromising and being patient.

So, what does this all mean?

Well, so we've identified that it's not bad to feel 'needy'. What might be worth looking at, is why you feel needy?

Sometimes you have irrational fears, eg. 'They're going to leave me because they haven't come home on time, it's been ten minutes' sometimes it's worth bringing these up in the relationship, other times it's worth just keeping them in the back of your mind and soothe-ing them yourself. You have to figure out for yourself what's irrational and not. And honestly there shouldn't be shame in talking about this stuff to your partner. eg. 'I have an irrational fear that you're going to turn into a club soda and I'll open you and you'll die and leave me'. This will probably be a relief and make you guys laugh. Remember to always talk from a place of ownership as opposed to 'what if you die and spill everywhere'.

Other times when the fears are not so irrational, it get's detrimental when you should communicate and you don't. It's detrimental when you're not able to communicate how you're feeling, and that might be because you lack the awareness to know what's going on within you, as a result you breed a lack of understanding and impatience. You also miss the opportunity for compromise.

Let's look at an example, let's also remember that communication is a joint responsibility. Say the scenario is that you're feeling like your partner is pulling away, so you hold tightly, smothering them.

You might say: I am feeling like you're letting go and I'm getting scared.
They might say: I don't mean to make you feel like that, I'm really busy with work at the moment, I've got lots on my mind and I feel smothered, and I understand that it's me, I just feel like I can't think, Sorry, I just feel like I need some breathing room.
You might say: Ok, I understand, How can we do this better? What do you need from me in order to feel less smothered?
They might say: Just some patience at the moment, I might not be super attentive, if I'm not attentive, please don't take it personally. What do you need from me?
You might say: Sure of course I can do that. I would just like you to check-in with me and not forget that I'm around.
They might say: Of course, I won't.

Fucking solved. Now you know whats going on, what your partner needs, she knows what you need and what's required and you can get on with it. If you feel those feelings coming up again, soothe yourself, remind yourself of the conversation and be patient.

If there's an on going issue that comes out of that, it's because someones not self-aware, not communicating, not understanding, not compromising or being impatient.

And if you that either yourself or your partner can't do this or at least are not willing to learn how to do this, then my friend you have an issue. To truly and deeply love is to truly care and value someone and to truly care and value someone is to be truly empathetic. It's not going to always work, but if it's fundamentally not working, someone is lacking a key element, care, love, you pick.