Do you ever get the call of the void?

I feel that I really relate to this post, I will try to respond in as much detail as possible but I will delete this tomorrow morning for privacy reasons.

This may just be a psychological "thing" as I've experienced depression and was a bit suicidal in the past but what sometimes bug me is that I know I have to "fail" first in order to learn.

Same. Depression pretty bad at two lengthy stages of my life I would say, to the point where I felt like a zombie, emotionally dead. The failing feeling I struggle with as well, in the sense that I feel almost a certain sense of anxiety if I am not "pushing" something in some way. I think I use constant activity/risk-taking as an escape mechanism, it helps distract me from negative thoughts. This in addition to the "incompleteness" feeling of not having achieved certain arbitrary goals that other people seem to have no problem with, sucks.

Well, motoriding does not allow you to fail once without having extreme consequences. I do wonder if there are circuits that can let you bounce and crash without a scratch just to understand and feel what it's like - heck I'll probably even go as far as building a mock moto and practice falls just incase I get into a situation; muscle memory would tell me to fall on the safer side (sounds insane, but I want to do my best to ensure safety - or maybe i'm just scared, haven't taken an MSF course yet).

You're right it doesn't. To your point of wanting to crash and walk away fine, that's not how it works, you cannot experience the fear of death (the void) without the true threat of death. Experiencing a crash without pain, blood, fear, is not an experience is it? It wouldn't be different than a video game. The only thing you can do to protect yourself, and overcome the anxiety of "not knowing what it feels like" is to mentally train your mind, such that if the situation were to occur, your body would at least have a plan to get out.

But I'm a sort of a person who wants to experience every nitty gritty detail and this mentality is scaring me when I ride (I'm just weeks in) this might sound crazy but why do I feel like I need to get a crash in order to learn or just experience what it's like? Anyone else felt the call of the void?

You don't, trust me on this one. Last year I was riding depressed and tired, as I had recently gotten into legal trouble, and was in a new city with no friends or family. So one especially bad morning after a long night of drinking I get on the bike, with zero cares in the world. All I could think about was "the cliffs edge" and that I was going to get as close as possible to it, no matter what. I think I felt like if I experienced that thrill, it would make me feel better, or that if i came out the other side i would somehow be a stronger person. I headed around for a while, then went retard fast into a ridiculous switch-back in the town over, and didn't make the switch. Lowsided into a guard-rail at well over double the speed limit after trying to trail-brake at almost full lean to not go into the other lane (way over my skill level of course).

The craziest part? Im totally fine, besides a huge scar on my shin and foot. The emts found me in the woods unconscious, down a slope of about 25 feet. I somehow managed to aim between the vertical pillars, and was able to fit all of my body under the rail except for my helmet, because I was mostly in my back.

The most important thing I remember though is the contradictory thought that first popped into my head when I first realized how screwed I was sliding towards the rail, "Fuck, what have I done." Pure focus followed, and every action I took sought to mitigate the damage.

I thought I wanted to experience that feeling of taunting the void, as soon as I had a taste I regretted it, and so will you. Its not worth it. If you really don't believe me, at least do yourself, your friends, and your family a favor and save pushing the limits of the machine for the track. At the track you may go down, but there is a much higher probability of getting right back up, which is all that matters.

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk more.

/r/motorcycles Thread