Do you ever feel overwhelmed and depressed by how your life has turned out?

I feel ya. I had a comment directed at me in rehab along the lines of "You've had a silver spoon in your mouth your whole life haven't ya?'. I mean if we ignore the first 15 years where I lived in a trailer home and start at the age where my family obtained their first two story home in a nice neighbor, then sure. But that still begs the questions, why the fuck was I choppin a big ass tree stump out of the ground from 7:30AM to 7PM without the opportunity of water or food until 7PM because of my dad's alcohol problem. So we'll cut that part out and start at age 20 where my family would be considered top 10% in the US. Now, I haven't a clue why the fuck I'm in the same position as ya dude. Ya, I have my name brand clothes, paid tickets half way across the country on my parents dime, never hungry, gas in my vehicle, heater for the winter, fan for the summer. I can't deny that.

But that's not how the shit works. My life started at birth, not 20. Even if I had what I have at 23 at birth that doesn't change the family I was born into. I got fucked genetically and/or environmentally. As much as I am grateful for what I have material wise, I was fucked raw into the ground mentally, physically and emotionally by the drunkiness of my family. Shit don't take a generational poor family to have abusive parents.

Guess what I am getting is I agree. I am grateful. I KNOW I am blessed, genetically and materially. I'm as chill as a cucumber. I have perspective. You (folks at rehab) stop and listen when I speak. You value the words that come out of my mouth as if gold fell from me when I spoke. If you felt I had zero perspective, that would not be the case. It doesn't mean my mind doesn't attack me 24/7 and beat me down itself regardless of what I KNOW, just like you. I'm athletic and had 3 scholarship offers. Yes, I know. It's more than a lot of folks get. I am attractive. I know I was blessed with decent features. I'm tall. I know, short guys are jealous and I know I was blessed and given a desireable feature to attract females. I'm told I am intelligent. I'll accept it for the sake of gratitude rather than deny what I know to not be true. I have material goods. I know, I was blessed in that manner. It is more than a lot of folks ever get. I know all of this shit. It does NOT change how my brain feels it can fuck me from the inside. That is also something I KNOW, but it does not change the gratitude I feel for how I have been blessed from bein born into the correct family.

So I agree. I know, but it doesn't change a damn fuckin thing.

/r/depression Thread