This happened before i was diagnosed and received therapy.Was in love with my ex. Like i would literally do anything for him and i cared for him alot but sometimes i get these weird urges to act irrationally and started developing a sort of paranoia that he was cheating on me even though he wasnt (i tend to think everyone is out to get me and i can hear voices).One day during my travel, I had this weird surge of energy(happened to me plenty of times) and that i could do anything and ended up hooking up with a guy and the strange part was that i didn't even want to do it ,i just did it because i was impulsive. when i got off that manic episode and back to my rational self i was devastated but i didn't want to lose him.Prior to my relationship , i had a habit of hooking up even if i didn't want to but i did it because something tells me i should. During the relationship, there would be days where my ex and i had the hottest sex and then it just goes dead. I also kept blaming him he was cheating on me when in fact i did and that's the shittiest part. Its like there's two sides of me i dont know and it scares me. After the cheating incident, i wanted a second chance at fixing myself but i was receiving therapy and wasnt on my medication and wasnt improving. I'd still get manic episodes and my ex was confused. He eventually found out about the cheating and it tore me apart. It tears me apart that i've hurt him .I'm still devastated by it and i dont ever want to hurt someone like that again so i started seeing a new psychiatrist and am going for therapy.I still get urges to hook up but ive purged all the men and tinder out of my life for now.