Well we've been inseparable for seven years. We live together. We're two peas in a pod in the most serious sense. He isn't attracted to me because I'm overweight. Among other things I'm sure, but this is the one thing that seems to be a major hang up. I'm currently losing weight, more than I ever have but he's beautiful. I mean it. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. If I had to choose one man, I would choose him every time no question. And I mean we get intimate occasionally, but I know it's not because he's choosing me, you know what I mean? It's convenience for him. And he isn't a bad person for this as much as people like to condemn him for it. I'm a consenting adult and it's something that I want too. I'm really good at detaching physical intimacy from emotional. I'm just half out of my mind because I love him so entirely and I suffer so much, and it's all for nothing. It's irritating to him that I love him because he doesn't feel comfortable seeing a girl or telling me about it because he knows it will destroy me. I don't want that at all. I want him to be happy and I want to be happy for him. I would give anything to feel platonic toward him. I try all the time but I never succeed. I won't just stop seeing him completely either. Our friendship (not to sound braggy) is stronger and entirely better than any other friendships that I've witnessed. We operate on an entirely different level than everyone else, which is why we mainly only talk to or hang out with each other. It's been that way since the beginning of high school. I won't give that up under any circumstance. But I want him to be as happy as he can possibly be with our friendship and I know all of these other things I feel for him really detract from it and I just want to fix it.