Yep. and yep. I should probably make a throw away but here it is long story: I was with this girl since High School and we were together for 4 years and 2 months and it was long distance. Cali to Kentucky. While in High School, I would save up recycled bottles and money my parents would give me for clothes or shoes just so I would go see this girl, I used to work out in weights and have a plastic protein jar that I make shifted into a piggy bank. For two years we would FaceTime every night and snapchat each other throughout the day. On our two years anniversary (April 2017), I saved up enough money and bought a plane ticket with MY money. I spent a week there and got to meet her parents and other family and it was a great time. Basically perfect. I went again for holiday (Thanksgiving week 2017), That was amazing too. Honestly I would give more information about this but I don't want to dox myself nor do I care about it anymore and you'll see here why. This was my senior year in high school and with the school year coming to an end I was just saving up money and decided I wanted to go to school and make a life there in Kentucky. So my graduation comes around in June 2018 and she buys a ticket and comes to California for the first that ever and I was so ecstatic because I didn't think her family would approve and would be reluctant to let her go on a plane alone but she still came. I was there calling her before and then in her connecting flight in Dallas just to comfort her because like me we had anxiety problems and part of the reason we were close was because we could talk about those things comfortable (that changes). She was in Cali for a week and came to my graduation ceremony, met my family in person this time and went to my sister's wedding and took her to see the beaches in SoCal and it was honestly one of the best times of our life so far. After this, I bought my ticket to move to kentucky and start my life there. I booked my ticket to leave with her and I took everything I had except my book collection. I also got accepted to a university there so that was a plus. So it's June 2018 and I'm in another state and I was comforted by my ex girlfriend and her family that they would help with a job in the summer and with school in the fall. Yeah neither of those happened. I was stuck indoors all the time and never did anything besides clean while she worked on her career and made money. Relationship was still good so leaving never crossed my mind I just kept getting a "soon when we have time" or "soon (this relative can let you borrow their car)" just a bunch of empty promises and the relation began to deteriorate within the year. If you haven't noticed, I'm skipping a ton because out of some respect to her.
Keep in mind, I'm only talking about mostly what's on the surface and it doesn't represent the entire relationship because it was more than just talking and being together. Our relationship was so sure within my first paycheck of finding a job I was going to marry her. It was to that point of how intimate our relationship was.
So while skipping through a lot of important stuff, I have been there for about 10-11 months and I'm beginning to get really upset about how she doesn't act the same way anymore. She would kiss me every day after work and hugs and affection in general was great until like 7-8 months in Kentucky when I noticed she doesn't have the same feelings as before. I didn't mind that, I understand people change and feelings come and go and she can find someone better it was more of the fact that I focus my future for her. and had nothing to my name, not even a job. She wouldn't ask me if I was hungry anymore or care to look for me some days I wouldnt realize she was home because she would always come see me first. But that stopped. so I already knew she didn't want the relationship because she never wanted to talk about it at all even after multiple attempts. I love communication. and I think it's the most healthy thing in the world for yourself and any relationship. Not to get all philosophical on you all but I take Henry D Thoreau's word to heart when he says "rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." So to Answer your questions, I lost sleep my last two months there to the point where I didn't sleep for a night and when I would sleep it would be at 6 in the morning and wake up at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. It was shitty. My eyes looked dead all the time. And about the being hungry thing I said earlier (I'm very depressing at times and if my own girlfriend that I wanted to be my wife didn't ask about my health like why the fuck do I even care about mine) Please don't think this way, I love you whoever is in some shitty position like mine was. I wish I could give you the hug you deserve. So I went my last week in kentucky with no food and I would just drink water and orange juice. For the most part I was 200lbs and when I came back to California I was 160lbs. My last week was June 8th to June 15th this year. My family bought my plane ticket on the 8th because I had NOTHING to my name and the next day june 9th my ex girlfriend walked in on me packing my stuff and I still remember her face. It didn't fucking phase her one bit. She didn't cry, she didn't get mad, she showed no emotion about being upset and when I said "I'm packing my stuff I'm going home" She just said okay and move on like it was nothing. That's when it hit me that I shouldn't be the way I am, just depressive. all. the. time. I should care about myself. I shouldn't need her to be happy. Why should I waste my breathe when in my last days there she only shed one tear when I was dropped off at the airport. Oh the whole last week I cried every night. I literally could not sleep because I was soo focus on crying I would get panic attacks and couldn't breathe. The day before my flight I didn't sleep at all. I went to the airport threw up a little bit. Went from kentucky to dallas and threw up a little there. I ate something for the first time in a while in dallas while I waited for my flight out to California and I got picked up and I was a size 36-38 waist and now I'm size 30-32. and it was sooo awkward when all my friends told me I look so GOOD. I don't know the affects of losing 40 pounds within two weeks but definitely not good. Either way while I was gone I didn't talk to my father and I learned he had type 2 diabetes and from the day I told myself I NEED to take care of myself so now I go running every day around 6pm for an hour or two for a few miles and have kept myself at 165 lbs since I got here in June 15th. I applied to a bunch of jobs and the following week I joined the army. I've been depressed all my entire life and I wanted to change that and do something better for myself. I deserve it. I went through some of the craziest shit that I can't talk about on here but holy fuck I'm so glad I was strong enough not to kill myself twice. My life is worth more to my family and to me than over some fucking girl that doesn't even mean it when she says she love me.
tldr; didn't eat or sleep well over being depressed, dropped from 200lbs to 160ish lbs. I pulled myself back together and working out helps and going out with friends for lunch or just drinks or partying in general is a lot of fun and I find a ton of value in that. Just look for the value of what you're doing.
don't search me (like dox me or look me up) about this, idrc about this shit anymore but I would love to help others. If you need help, I'm here for you. I had no one but myself and that was cruel to myself and to my body. Talk. It's the best medicine in the world.