I have a tremendous amount of regret that could only be seen in hindsight. I can only hope it leads to personal growth that helps maintain future relationship(s) and prevents future mistakes.

I am avoiding her currently because I want her to have the chance to heal (I’m still heartbroken and healing too). She has told me she wants to talk but is respecting my suggestion of NC (I think it’s best for both of us). I want to break NC but who the fuck would I be to string her along and hurt her any further? It broke my heart into a million pieces to have to hurt her. I can’t hurt her again. They say if you love something - set it free. She’s my best friend. I miss her badly, but I can’t swoop back in and hurt her again. No fucking way could I be that selfish. I need to be able to reflect and grow into a better person before considering it in the future (even if only platonically).

If ever we were to try again romantically - and I’m not in a place to even say I’d ever want that… we would have to approach it as a new relationship having both experienced personal growth. She may heal and never want anything to do with me romantically again, or vice versa. That said I feel like if we were to try to get back together while things are still raw, we won’t have learned or grown and the problems we had won’t have gone away and we’d be doomed all over again.