Let me tell you a story.

"Learn from my mistakes, wanderers. Lest you,too,sufferthesamefate"

I resisted the urge for a very long time, but eventually it won. It's just like last time, many moons ago, back in late 2011. I've lost what feels like thousands of hours wandering the Boston wastelands. After I dipped my feet into Far Harbor, it grabbed me by the feet and dragged me right back in. Trapper after trapper, building after building. I cleared them all. No challenge was too great, no enemy too mighty. I needed more. The more I conquered, the more I wanted to conquer. Nothing truly satiated that deep seeded urge.

In time, I eventually sank deep enough. Down that low, anything seems doable. I've witnessed men reach this level before. They're the same kinds of men who'd run up to a Mythic Deathclaw in underoos and a pool stick just because it seems fun. Now, I had reached the same depth. I began to seek out a true challenge. What I wanted was something that could go down into the books of history... If only I knew how naive that goal truly was.

I needed something that made my success depend completely on my own situational awareness. If I didn't see them and take them out the very moment I saw them, there wouldn't be a following moment. No combat music queues to tell me ahead of time, or sometimes even at all. I wanted to be a lone wolf, with just a recurve bow and a silenced M1911. Remove the HUD, realistic lighting, No VATS / Power Armor, locational damage, stealth / ai overhaul, give it all here.

So I got to work. I sought out the finest minds and we slowly assembled this triple digit list. I compiled everything I could find. Three assistants lost their lives fighting back the abyss and the beasts that lurked within, known to us normal folk as "incompatibilities." But we did it. The modlist was complete. A few days ago I set foot into that man made singularity of realistic immersive chaos. It was beautiful, yet mad. Akin only to the realms of shivering isles if they were to meet the post thermonuclear apocalypse. It was Immersive, difficult, rewarding, but most importantly... perfect. And therein lies the problem.

Too well do we probably all know, a mod-list is never complete. There will never be perfection. We can always kick things up a notch. Turn the realism turbo up to 11 VTEC's. So I did... and that's where it all went wrong. I decided to install War of the Commonwealth.

Now, at this point, I had played about 6 hours on this character before I released that sadistic multi-thread kraken. And when I install something like that, I refuse to give up, uninstall or save scum my way back. We can't just let sheer difficulty win. That would disgrace me and bring shame to those who were lost in the Battle of the Patches. It was merely another obstacle. Sure, probably a mistake so early, but was going to commit to my mistakes. I would become the true grey fox/legolas the wasteland had ever seen...

...So I had hoped, anyway. 16 hours later, still stuck in diamond city... things started to look bleak. Health, near gone. infection rampant. At first there was bountiful rewards in theiving, but that did not last nearly as long as I'd hoped. Within a few nights, Diamond city was cleaned out harder than my house after Codsworth had taken to it for my multi-millenia power nap.

I needed to get out of there. I needed some way of paying for some excursion to get through the wasteland back to sanctuary. How could I not? I was a memeber of the minutemen! And there was a settlement which was in dire need of my help. It was so important, it got marked on my map from the other side of the fallout zone. Things only got worse from there.

Eventually, I ran out of supplies. There were no caps. I could not pay for beds to sleep, nor food, ammo or meds. Soon, it was all about survival. A mutfruit here, a scrap of meat from the remains of a faction skirmish beyond the main gate. This went on forever. Hours went by, then days, then weeks. All I could do was wait. There was no other recourse. Every day at first light, I would snap out of my time-lapsed daze to the sounds sounds of a brahmin's bell. Each time I checked, nary a trace.

I saved what little I had left or was tossed to me by other adventurers passing through. Often times they were scantily clad, and accompanied by these large mechanical war-beasts. I'd never seen anything like them before. Chainsaws, nail guns, flamethrowers. They were beautiful. But I'd not get anything from them save a cap here and there, when I'm sure they had that last piece I needed.

I don't blame them, though. We've all done something along the same lines in a past life. Have we not? Not even once? Are you sure?

Anyway. I just needed that last unit of ballistic fiber craft my bow, and surely then I could return like a legendary maelstrom. They'd call me the Odysseus of the Commonwealth. I'd be the true hero the commonwealth, and my settlements, need. Until then, we wait for our time with it. The Ballistic weave. Such a mysteriously beautiful, yet malevolent beast. No merchants had it, no shops sold it. I couldn't scrap anything for it, since my level was too low to invest the perk.

And then, it happened. At least, it could have happened. It very well could have been a mirage... or a trap. The scantily clad young warrior dropped something, or a whole bunch of somethings, into a trashbin in the middle of the city. I went to investigate, and there it was! The final piece I needed! I almost wanted to cry, it was gorgeous. I dove into the bin to grab it. All I had to do was turn around and craft the bow, then we could be on our way.

After retreiving the item, and a bunch of others, I heard this screaming. It was one of the guards. They called me a thief. ME!? Those days were so far behind me! I'd already done the walk of atonement. However, they cared not. They shot me down like I was a rabid dog in the street. And right back I went to the last time I'd slept. I felt more and more like a homeless Tom Cruise the more this never ending death-reset hell went on.

Now, not everyone (or most anyone for that matter) may know how painful it was seeing that last piece of the puzzle-lock of hell that I was trapped in, yet no way to get it. But let me tell you, things will happen to a man's mind if he get's busted/killed/blown up/stabbed and or disintegrated one too many times trying to get something so vital. Unrelated, have I ever told you...

..the definition of insanity? After a while, I just started rushing it. Over and over again. Wake up, make a left at the the door, sharp right. Pass the shop. Sharp left. Open trashcan. Take ballistic fiber. Dodge first guard, kill second guard. Get killed by eyebot. Repeat. Eventually I gave up. I slept in the next day cycle. Accidental, but not unwelcome. I was going to need what energy I could get for my next plan. I decided to take matters into my own hands, and train. Oh boy did I train. Every fiber of my being was committed to it (usually I'd try to run outside and dodge the crossfire. I felt like when I was near the enemies when they died, I would get stronger).

I was finally ready... I would overcome this. Walk by my old lean-to, make a left at the door. Old fears of constant failures started creeping up. My senses started to flare up in response. Sharp right...? Come on, remember the patterns. It's been a while, but we can't let stress blind us now. Pass the shop. Sharp left. Open the trashcan. My adrenaline is racing... The guards aren't anywhere to be found. I guess I moved so fast that they were only able to get about half of their patrols done in time.

The trashcan was already open... did someone already clean it out? Did the cell reset? Was I too late? I reached into the bin, and there it was! I got it! I actually got it! No guards, no screaming, no horrible noises or slow painful deaths! We were free! I ran right to the crafting station, flipped through the blueprints that were available to all of us, and got started on making my bow. We did it, we overcame such a horrible burden. Now, we can finally-

[ the power flickers in my house. ]

Did everything go black for a second? Wait... [ checks pipboy ] What time is it? I think I slept in. I need to get started on my training today. What am I training for, you ask? Pull up a chair, stay a while and listen