Shit. I thought today was going to be a new start but I've been telling myself that for weeks. Ever since coming back to school I've lost all motivation to do anything, even things I like and want to do. After doing the bare minimum to scrape by in my entirely online classes this morning I just fucked around for hours doing nothing. Once it got to be evening and I realized what I'd done yet again I lost it. My evening was a mess of me hating myself, I'm still hating myself now, but I've decided I'm going to try to get help again even though it scares me to no end. I can't deal with this on my own no matter how many times I've told myself I can.