Everyone says how hard depression is...

Ya. Its no fun. But i said somewhere in another post that if ya are gonna get involved with someone a little screwy, ya need to be able to not take things personally. Using me as an example, and I do not mean this in a literal sense, there are kinda two people in my brain. The damaged, bloody and 'survivalistic' part of me and the 'who i am' part of me.

This may not be technically correct because he may not have to deal with 2 decades of abuse, but the overall theme still applies.

Until a person learns to 'control' the 'survivalistic' part it bleeds profusely. Originally i developed the way i did so i could mentally survive my dad. The brain is remarkably adaptable. What happens is you leave that environment and that way you had to be is no longer a beneficial, helpful thing. So i act as if i am still living within that environment, reacting as if what used to happen will still happen. Raise your voice and I instantly snap back to my past. When yelling occurred i got beat. So you raise your voice and i think you will start to beat the hell out of me. And i react as if that is what is going to happen.

This is where 'two people' in my brain comes in. Logically, i know you arent my dad. But emotionally, my mind sees him when a person exhibits a behavior familiar to him. Triggers, basically. So you could say it has nothing to do with you, its my past i am reacting to.

And as a result, being able to distinguish when it is the "broken" part of the person speaking, or the 'real' them, is invaluable. Youll be able to figure out what you should take personally (it has to do with you specifically. It is a reaction to you, not a reaction of the past or the illness) and when to just shrug and let it slide right off ( it is a reaction to the past or the illness).

Now taking c-ptsd out, and just seeing depression, its a matter of figuring out when its the depression talking and when its them talking. It can hard to seperate the two. It is technically them, as it is a part of them, and its their voice. So a lot of peoples first instinct is to see the depression as them speaking truths. But i can tell you, if he has empathy, cares about you and isnt an asshole underneath and above, but would be a pretty decent person assuming he didnt deal with depression, everytime he says or does this bullshit he gets filled with guilt. I used to self harm, and it happened when i was incredibly stressed or when i let the 'illness' speak for me and hurt someone.

TL;DR: So if ya want to stick around, first get him to at least try and get help, and secondly dont take what the depression says personally while he tries to get better. It may speak, but it doesnt speak for his core.

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