They say "everyone's fighting a battle you don't know about." What's yours?

Everyday I want to kill myself. Everyday, I think about how nice it would be to finally be free. I can't sleep because all I want is female companionship, or at least someone I could talk to. Every person who knows me think's I'm a funny guy and theres nothing wrong with me. All of this because of all the negative thoughts I've thought of. All I've ever wanted was a female to talk to, and constantly thinking about it destroyed me. I have decent friends and a nice job, but every night I cry myself to sleep and every morning I consider killing myself just so I don't have to live anymore. I just can't kill myself because I'm to focused on what other people think of me because I'm afraid to be alone. I've been alone because I've tried telling old friends that I think I'm starting to get depressed, but all they did was give shitty advice and then abandon me. I guess because of that abandonment the depression switch clicked. I found myself that night with a gun to my head crying and shaking. I couldn't pull the trigger no matter how hard I wanted to. Every day I replay that day in my head and wonder why I never shot myself. I don't have people I can rely on. I don't have anything to live for. All I've ever wanted was a female to talk to and I guess that its eating me. Friends are getting girlfriends and leaving. Prom at my highschool was a while ago and seeing everyone happy with a girlfriend kills me. I can't watch movies anymore or TV because 90% of the time, the main character gets a girl and they live happily ever after. I want to be in that position, where I can be happy with someone. Just a girl that's happy to see me and loves me as much as I love her. Its these thoughts that eat me from the inside everyday and night. Because of these thoughts I consider killing myself almost every second I'm alone.

/r/AskReddit Thread