Nothing is fine but really it’s all fine because logically, everything will be ok. There’s no reason for me to put any stock in my emotions. All I need to do is forget about them. Which is unhealthy. But also being this upset by my emotions is unhealthy. Why does everything hurt. It’s been so long since everything ached like this. I hoped it wouldn’t come back. I even started the medication hoping I wouldn’t have to experience this ever again... but now I’m just miserable and I can’t drink and it takes me twice as long to get a half as good orgasm. Gee thanks, universe.

It’s like... there’s no point to life. Just... why am I here and why am I miserable?

And I have it good. I have it so, so good. I have a beautiful life with beautiful interesting people and I’m miserable. I was born so fucking lucky and I’m miserable. I feel like an ungrateful bitch feeling like this. I’ve never struggled like so many people have and... I’m crying on my fucking foam mattress with satin pillowcases and cotton sheets and I have clean water to drink and a roof over my head and still... I’m miserable. I’m in so much pain