Ex (22M) emotionally abused me (23M), but I can't register that he did. Anyone has the same experience?

Okay, perhaps then I can share what always sparks our arguments in our relationship.

I went on Tinder and met 2 guys for a few meals, stopped using Tinder, and then went on Tinder again, with the intention to troll a few dudes and have some fun at laughing at thirsty people. That's when I met him, and honestly I never knew I was going to date him. At first we talked about why we used the app (thrill of meeting strangers, just for fun, nothing much), and I did tell him that I met a few people before on the app. So I thought all was cool, until he'd prod for more details about when I met those guys, where I met those guys, and how many times I had met them. I'd really be open to sharing, but if I said that I met a particular guy twice, he'd wonder what's so special about that person that I met him twice, and feel bad about himself, wondering what's different between him, and the other Tinder dates I've met.

The questions also came when I mentioned guy acquaintances, and guy friends that I have. I travelled with guy friends while on exchange because I didn't think it was anything wrong and have shared that with him as well but somehow he'd think I'm a 'guy girl', and that I have many guy friends. He admitted that he thought I was promiscuous, when he knows that I've never dated anyone before and he was my first official boyfriend and first kiss. He explained that he just wanted to know about my 'past', but whenever we talk about it, it just feels like he's unhappy with the 'history' that I have, so naturally I don't want to bring the topic up with him. Then he feels that I'm hiding something, so thereafter every guy acquaintance I mention, I find myself having to explain how we are purely platonic.

Many a times I thought we finally concluded the whole issue/problem, only for him to talk about it again and question me with why I used Tinder. In fact, I think I shared with him once that I felt a bit lonely and detached while I was in exchange, an emotion that I was unfamiliar with but surprised I felt that, and he used that against me in a sense that he thought I used Tinder because I was lonely and needed male attention???

Regarding the whole 'understanding' part, he would talk about how his other guy friends date their girlfriends for a long time, because their girlfriends understood them. That gave me a lot of anxiety because I felt like I wasn't performing and he wouldn't stay with me. Like how he'd tell me he doesn't know why he's different from the previous tinder dates I've had, I tried to show him how he was special to me by letting him know that I chose him, and I've never let anyone so close to my heart before, but he'd think I was just trying to change the topic and hide the truths about my past from him. I feel mistaken and I always have to explain the things I do, which turn out to be my neglecting his feelings and purely speaking in my own defense again.

I don't know I guess maybe I'm misunderstanding him and I'm just not emotionally sensitive enough for him.

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