Ex-Disney employee breaks down talking about training his own foreign replacement.

If you think you can't outsource security I've got a very expensive security appliance to sell you!...

I'm sorry, non-US citizens and even most foreign-born US citizens will never see the inside of the outer layers of our secure spaces. Just their presence in non-controlled spaces on site is flagged by ridiculously comical, huge, bright red foreign visitor badges which by any other standards would constitute blatant racism. Every member of our IT team has undergone extensive background investigations, often exceeding $100k in costs and lasting more than year conducted by ruthless federal agents scrutinizing every aspect of their entire lives. They've been the subject of multiple interrogations, sometimes polygraphs based on lifestyle choices which have nothing to do with their duties but, instead, form a clearer picture of the trustworthiness of their character. The process is repeated regularly throughout their employment. Outsourcing is simply not an option.

Or you could just put a free appliance on your network and let a professional security services company monitor and manage your network remotely

I'm sorry, our environment currently doesn't support any kind of remote initiated connection from non-DoD entities. Even if we had the ability to allow the connection, it would be immediately severed by multiple layers of upstream providers. I'd be happy to work with you troubleshooting, relaying commands and what-not.

We'll even manage your firewalls and AV software!

Our firewalls are managed in house by less than 5% of our total IT workforce and our AV managed by a group smaller than that because of the sensitive and/or classified nature of maintenance updates and definitions.

I'm sure this device of yours has been fully scoured by DISA, CyberCom and the NSA as well as gone through the proper channels to become fully certified by Common Criteria standards. All physical components were surely manufactured and assembled in one of the three allowable countries and it's software has been specifically tailored to authorize and authenticate using our methods(which happens to be the largest PKI network in the world. Debatably larger than every other PKI network in the world combined.)

It only costs half a million dollars... ...for the low-low price of $999/month...

We'll take two. The quoted cost is probably going to end up five to ten times lower than the final cost anyway but noone here gives two fucks. We actually offer a three day class to any of our employees which allow them to sign our checks for up to five million dollars. Just don't offer to buy them lunch because acceptance would constitute an ethical violation on their part which could result in an extended stay in Federal pounded-in-the-ass prison. Don't worry about RMAs. If there's a problem then we'll just degauss the individual device components and then grind them up into little tiny pieces and send them to the NSA before we order another brand new one.

"Why am I paying for a team of IT security people again?"

We all pay for this IT team. Even the IT team pays for the IT team. Because as ridiculously asinine as the whole scenario seems, there isn't any other way. But I wouldn't worry too much. All their salaries range from mediocre to acceptable due to circumstances and all salaries are public knowledge.

In the end, it's just another IT job...

--Information Assurance Technician, Cyber Security Operations

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