Ex/friend abruptly cancelled get-together on her birthday with me, she went out with her other friends, feel like shit.

You don't know who I am, but I'm going to jump in anyway, since a similar thing happened to my girlfriend only a few days ago, and we talked about it for quite a while, and I think we hit upon something about the situation that made her feel a little better (but obviously not completely better.) So, as I said, a similar situation: gf made plans with her friends a couple days in advance; her friends happened to get together in the interim without her, and on the spur of the moment they decided to do the planned activity that day instead of the next day, the day they had previously agreed on; so on the day the plan was supposed to happen, she was alone, and she discovered that her friends did that activity without her through fun, cute pictures on social media.

It was hurtful. It would've been honestly less hurtful if she had never been invited in the first place, rather than having been invited and then having the goalposts move on her like that. It's like her friends said, "yeah, we made this agreement, but your time is essentially worthless. And we don't take you seriously."

As we talked about the situation, I noticed she was starting to blame herself a little. Speculating that maybe she isn't as fun as she used to be, or not as important to them -- that kind of thing.

Her friends broke the agreement they'd made. Her friends impulsively decided to change their plans. Her friends ducked her after it happened, to avoid feeling bad about what they did. Her friends -- whom I love -- were acting like children essentially, and my girlfriend is blaming herself, like she did something wrong. It took a long time before I could make her see it this way.

It seems like you aren't blaming yourself for what happened to you; and if that's accurate, good. I just wanted to pass this along to you on the off-chance that you're thinking you somehow or in anyway deserved even a little part of that mistreatment. I think it's an understandable place to go, despite it not making much sense, because this is your friend treating you this way, and maybe you had trusted her at some point. Anyway, my advice: drink, do other things you enjoy doing. And maybe you'll talk to her about this down the road a ways.

/r/badphilosophy Thread