When my kids returned from their trip a few days ago, they immediately started telling me (to relieve their troubled, conflicted minds) of all the horrible things she said about me. I decided to confront her about it as calmly as I could and let her know how hurt I was by the things that had been relayed. Even still giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe they were exaggerating what she had said.
Her response gives me chills even to recall. She proceeded to call me abusive, mentally ill, a horrible mother, selfish, cold hearted, and a monster. I fell into the trap of defending myself and it only made it worse. She attacked my family, gaslighted me, told me she had people come to her to tell me they sided with she and my ex because they had seen my behavior in the past (which could be true of about maybe 3 or 4 people if it’s true at all, because we know hardly any of the same people). She blamed me for every behavior her son ever did, told me I NEEDED HELP and that “she guesses she is going to have to make sure I get help I need” when I told her something very horrific about her son I have never told anyone else besides our own pastor. It was a narcissistic, gaslighting nightmare.... and I don’t know what to do.
Have I been perfect in life? Of course. Have I made mistakes? Absolutely. Have I even failed as a mother at times? You better believe it. But that makes me a human, not mentally ill. Or abusive. This idea that I’m the monster of a person lying and hiding to everybody is absurd and just downright hurtful.
On a side note, I have an incredible boyfriend that I’ve been dating for nine months, loves my kids, and I plan to marry. This has caused a lot of the abuse to ramp up (both from her and my ex). I just want to enjoy moving on and being healthy but feel like they’re making it impossible.
I don’t even know what advice I’m looking for. Maybe commiseration? Maybe support? Either way, I am still struggling to process it all and get her thoughts out of my head. Even though the forefront of my mind knows shes crazy, I can’t help but worry deep in my heart that maybe what she says is true. My friends and family have been amazing and encouraged me, but she says anyone that I know has just been brainwashed by me and believes my lies. I feel so helpless. I want to cut her out of our lives but I truly do not know how. At the very least, I want to know how to move on from this. I’ve been to therapy but she keeps upping the abuse and I feel like there’s new trauma regularly.