Knowing intellectually that your parents did the best they could and actually healing from the hurt they caused you are two different processes. All the work you've done and the self awareness you've acquired are commendable but they don't change the basic fact that you didn't get the childhood you deserved, and that you haven't yet processed that in a meaningful way. The anger and hurt will still be there simmering under the surface until you get to the root of the issue.

Therapy with someone who is actually experienced with this stuff and not a college intern is your best bet, even if that's not what you want to hear. Look for someone who specializes in things like men's issues. I'd personally think an empathetic but direct older male psychologist would be a good fit for you. Spend time looking at their websites and choose someone who intuitively feels right to you. A lot of psychologists offer sliding scale fees if you are worried about the expense.

Other than that, keep doing what you're doing as far as taking better care of yourself and actively trying to be a better person. Other things that may help: kickboxing or similar as a healthy outlet for feelings of anger and tension, writing everything that comes into your head during these episodes down in a journal without judging yourself at all for what comes out, volunteering in the community to get some perspective (international travel is also great for this), confiding in your girlfriend instead of feeling like you have to be perfect for her...