I’m so sorry for moms who have to deal with this. My ex is an ex because he was a shitty father. There was enough documentation that he didn’t even try to ask for anything other than supervised visits with our daughter— he knew it wasn’t happening. So the letters CPS put him in fear. Bwahahaha, asshole!

And I know I’m really lucky because despite all of his many parenting flaws, I never have to worry about whether or not he’s going to send money. He was a dick during our divorce and has managed to make it look like, on paper, he’s pretty damn broke. This means that his actual legal child support obligation is pretty meager. So he looks like a really great, generous dad that he sends a little extra money every month and frequently offers to cover more expensive items for our daughter that he doesn’t have to. It’s frustrating because I might be able to afford to do some of those things for our daughter, too, if he wasn’t sneaky AF about his income and paid child support that was calculated based on his actual income/assets. But I just have to act thankful and appreciative for his generosity (and I am). Then I remember that even though it is manipulative and unfair of him, I am a lot luckier than a lot of other moms out there so I feel petty when I get upset about it.

And it really sucks when he gets his boxers in a bunch over something but I have to be the bigger person and smooth over his little boy feelings so that we can continue to get along and have a friendly rapport. It means a lot to my daughter that we get along to the level of joking around and seeming like friends when we’re in the same place (most of the time anyway). As much as it pains me to have to walk on eggshells around him I can promise you that eventually your kids will realize all you did. It does not make it easier now. It’s a struggle and it hurts for now. But even as a young teen, my daughter is already seeing more and more of her father’s true self show through that idealized image she has of him. She’s realizing how much I put up with from him but still appreciates how friendly we keep everything on the surface and that any major conflicts are behind the scenes. She still doesn’t fully understand but I just tell myself that she will as she gets older.

There will eventually come a day when she realizes that while we struggled with a tight budget and her dad constantly claimed to be broke— he lives off a generous trust fund. I’m raising her to be practical and careful with money and hopefully those lessons will serve her well when someday she gains access to her own trust fund that she doesn’t even know exists.

Mostly I consider myself lucky to have gotten us out of an abusive marriage. And I look favorite to my favorite five months of the year when he leaves the country to stay at a family summer cottage. Five peaceful months. My kid is miserable and I feel awful that I am downright gleeful but I look forward to those five months every year. Officially two months and counting until he leaves for the summer!!!!!!!

So sorry for the different and individual struggles each co-parenting Mom has to deal with. Best of luck to each of us and may you find some peace.