Exhausted. Thinking of leaving at 35

I had a pretty much identical situation and I know how absolutely awful it is, it is hell. Things for me now have changed, and have gotten better, but it took a lot of hard work and feeling like you do. I strictly disciplined his kids (still do), and made damn sure he supported me, I nagged him to discipline his kids so eventually he did, nagged him about doing the things he was supposed to do, now he’s much better at it. Told him openly all the time how I was feeling and how it’s all unacceptable. I made a bucket and anything they had left lying around I put in, if it wasn’t removed after 7 days it was thrown away, I banned them from their electronics and told them off about their pads left everywhere, same with all basic hygiene until they learnt. I even told him what to say to them, what questions to ask in a morning. He often goes out and repeats exactly what I said. I’m firm but fair and consistent, they need consistent and he needs to bare the brunt of it, even if it’s you behind the scenes. It does eventually get better. I’ve got 3 SD and it’s not perfect, 1 is still on her way and seeing a psychologist but much better than she was, I barely have to tell them off now. Now they clean their rooms, and bathroom, empty the dishwasher when told, and the lounge is pretty much always tidy except for a blanket or two. They are more hygienic and eat with a knife and fork, they are still reminded about their manners, all they needed was proper parenting. It is exhausting and I feel for you, talk to your partner and maybe even give him the ultimatum that somethings needs to be done or you’ll leave. It’s not perfect for me and I still get overwhelmed but I’m so much happier than I was and I pay absolutely no attention to BM, I just don’t care what she thinks, I’m doing the job that she should have been doing (but would rather hang out with her bf/friends than her kids), I’m waiting until they are much older to have a kid as I don’t feel like I want to bring a kid into that environment right now or have them learn from it. Sorry that I don’t have much advice, but I thought I’d share my story with you.

/r/stepparents Thread