I suppose the intensity needs to convert to equivalent value on both sides. I used to put in a ton of time and effort with new friends, but that's just silly to be honest. I didn't know them well enough to gauge if what I was putting in translated to what they were looking for. Conversely, maybe they're trying but they're terrible at understanding my wants. Was I actually indulging their dominant / auxiliary functions or mine?

And of course there's nuances from person to person besides MBTI which might affect how much they'd be receptive to and what they can give. That all leads to a lot of reading subtle signs to figure out what's the right thing to do.