There's also the possibility that it isn't really your kid, and she's just taking advantage of you.

THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT. Bpds are needy. You sounded indifferent to the "relationship" and I wouldn't be surprised if bpd had another dick on the side who might have fled as soon as "she got pregnant".

A DNA test ASAP could be life changing for you. That is, if you can muster the will to do it. If it would make it easier, pretend you're somebody else and force yourself to push for this. It could make all the difference in the world.

If it turns out that you are the father of the baby girl:

Would the bpd consider putting her up for adoption?

Regardless of whether or not you stick around, the passivity you have already demonstrated regarding the "relationship" and pregnancy indicate that the bpd would be the controlling force in your family.

So, in a sense, the baby girl is doomed. But possibly a little less doomed if you stick around. A bpd female could emotionally engulf the child or possibly engage in a series of "relationships" with potentially unsavory males who may or may not molest the girl.

Do you have the will to stop the bpd from abusing the girl if things get bad?

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i find it abhorrent to disappear on a kid. i try to justify it by saying that i would be a terrible dad because i would never be able to truly love her or have a parental relationship with her, and that 3 months is an age where she would never remember me or know me, but i still can't bring myself to do it.

It sounds as though your heart might be speaking to you.

Once you learned the bpd was bulldozing ahead with the pregnancy, you passively waived every opportunity you had to put your foot down about the poverty of the baby's options once born.

You don't owe the bpd any relationship beyond civility.

But, if the baby girl is yours, you owe that baby girl to protect her from sexual predators, to consistently provide a rational balance to the bpd's craziness, to show her the quiet strength of a real man, and to simply exist as an oasis of peace.

At some point, you might be able to learn to play go together).

Life is not a long bout of displacement activity. It is a crucible for the soul. You can win this, my friend.