I do think I'm being unfair, but the issue is I don't know how to deal with it otherwise and he seems to be willing to try abiding by my definitions, I guess. It's not that I want to change how he feels—I just wish he would stop letting how he feels change the actions that he takes on those feelings because that's the part that matters in the end.

Also, I think I'll append this to the post, but the issue with porn wasn't that he was jerking off to it. It was that he did it right after sex while I was waiting for him in the shower, and he was telling me to wait for him while he did it and only told me he was being held up by jerking off to porn a few days later. I think if he had said, "Hold up, I found something that kind of turns me on, would you like to come watch it with me," it would have been very different. I think I would have had much fewer issues with porn than I ended up with if that had been the case. But he did it behind my back, knowing that he shouldn't have been doing it because he felt guilty and knew it was wrong for keeping me waiting while he was doing it.

I think in the end, while it might hurt sometimes, I can't get mad at him for finding other people attractive, being turned on by a certain kind of porn, or whatever. But when it's actions that he does because of that attraction, if I find those actions unfaithful and wish he would stop, isn't there a difference? I am honestly just trying to figure out how I can deal with it better, rather than just getting upset every time and making him feel bad when I discuss it with him.