I don't really think about the trip itself but the fallout it caused and the insane amount of anxiety I went through, and go through now when I experience similar things, to a lesser extent.

My old friends keep trying to contact me. I just get worked up about whether they're going to make fun of me. I've been made fun of for medical issues my whole life. I used to brush it off but damn man, as an adult, hearing adults say mean shit like that kills me. So I just avoid it preemptively.

Honestly based off your comment I can't really tell if I had one or the other. I'm obviously still here consciously. I used to have anxiety about making friends and fitting in. Now I have anxiety about the past.

When you say "A psychotic break will keep you there" I don't know what the context is. Like, I still live in the same house, and in the same room, I did when I tripped on shrooms and acid and smoked weed 1,000,000 times. So I mean I'm still here, with my dad. But I've been saving money and investing in the stock market, in the hopes that I can afford a nice house and move far-the-fuck away from Illinois cause I hate this damn state for 100 reasons.

I also kind of feel like you get the feeling I had a psychotic break, by the wording of your comment. I don't disagree. I constantly feel like everyones out to get me and everything has a meaning behind it, and it points to me getting fucked over. I don't feel like shrooms did anything to me, except in the regard that I feel like I'm a target.