I [F24] have just found out I'm pregnant by my emotionally abusive cheating ex [M29]. I'm scared I've hurt the baby and I don't know what to do.

OP will also have to take some time to think about her life, what she wants, and how she wants to deal with her pregnancy. I think it's quite telling that OP already is referring to a 5-week-old fetus as "the baby".

OP, however, provided little to no information on her life outside of her current and past relationships with her friends and James, or her financial situation. However, OP's age, as well as the fact that she mentions frequently getting drunk with her friends on weekends, tells me that she's still quite emotionally immature to some degree, and thus, not ready to have a baby.

However, having a child changes one's life irrevocably. OP will have to decide between one of two options:

  • Terminate the pregnancy, and continue to reconnect with her friends. However, OP should also consider curbing some of her drinking habits, as frequently getting drunk may cause kidney and liver damage later in her life. This is especially true of OP mentioning "drinking is involved a lot in her life".

  • Continue the pregnancy, and stop drinking altogether. See an OB/GYN for consultation and appointments, and assess what the situation is with the fetus. Check for damage, if any, caused by drinking already. Begin to take pre-natal vitamins and follow the direction of the aforementioned doctor. Prepare to plan financially, mentally, and emotionally for the baby's arrival.

Personally, given what OP has said, I would strongly advise considering termination, for the following reasons.

  • The child would forever tie her to her abusive, manipulative ex.
  • Having a child would take first priority over "reconnecting" with her friends.
  • Having a child would likely alienate OP down the line, especially after birth, when she had to take care of an infant.
  • Continuing the pregnancy would remove drinking entirely, likely causing fall-out with OP's friends.
  • OP does not seem emotionally or mentally ready to have a child.
  • OP would be a single mom, which takes an enormous amount of work.
  • The fetus may already be harmed by OP's drinking habits.

Generally, for OP, to me, it seems like having a baby for her now would be a bad idea.

/r/relationships Thread Parent