I did blame most of my jealousy on a contraceptive implant, because it created a hormonal imbalance in me and that is true. My biggest flaw has been jealousy and I have worked hard to try and fix it, that's the reason I started going to therapy. I was jealous of every woman that was around my partner before. Once I removed the implant I no longer feel jealousy towards any of my partners female friends except for Lizzie. The removal of the implant is the only change that has been made to have such a result on me, so maybe this explains why I see the hormonal imbalance caused by the implant as the problem in this case. I know what jealousy feels like in my bones and this time when I experienced emotional pain towards Lizzies neediness and my feelings not being a bigher priority in this relationship I felt miserable. Maybe there was some jealousy, but mostly it was unhappiness and not being comfortable with the friendship.

I suspect that I have a high functioning autism based on my behaviours, thought patterns, stimming and a lot more. I didn't mean to use it as an excuse for this action though. I forgot to add to the text that I find the "I sit on all laps, I am autistic" commend extremely weird as a most likely autistic person myself. I know autism is different for everyone, but I know what is deemed professional behaviour and normal behaviour by most people and thought that her actiona didn't have anything to do with her autism that she was using as an excuse for her behaviour. So I apologise if it sounded like an excuse for this specific situation.

I have zero problem with seeing myself as guilty. That is mainly why I want to hear other people's perspectives on the situation so that I am aware if my behaviour is toxic or not, since I myself am not sure in this case.

Thank you so much for your point of view on the whole thing. Gave me insights on how this situation looks from another's point of view