I (F38) am having trouble dealing with my husband's (M47) insecurities.

I have changed! And I think that is a totally normal and healthy thing to do in a long term relationship. Were there certain trips I said no to rather than ask my husband because he knew one of the women was known to cheat on her husband. Yes. Did I not go out to after work drinks with male coworkers who might have become good friends because I knew that would make James feel crappy and he is more important than those guys? Absolutely. Did I stop talking to some exes who I had kept in contact? Sure. I don't feel bad about that at all. Those are compromises I think any reasonable person might choose in a relationship.

James is a good and wonderful man in a bazillion ways that were not relevant to this post. He has often times faught his own insecurities and not made a fuss. He respects my opinions. He adores me, so much that he is terrified of losing me. He has woken up more than once crying over a dream that I've left him. It's his greatest fear.

I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to dismiss his feelings. I'm willing to compromise so we can both feel secure because he is worth so much to me. He's done the same for me with my issues. We are trying to grow together. I just needed to know if this is a time to draw a hard boundary.

/r/relationships Thread Parent