There are many factors, but I think almost all of those factors can be attributed to early life emotional experiences or lack there of. Either there was trauma or just a lack emotional learning/practicing of vital emotional tools that lead to these relationship issues. I think of dating and relationship as the ultimate test of emotional intelligence. And things like insecurities are a byproduct of us not being able to manage certain emotions well enough to prevent big problems in adult relationships.

So we're put into a position later on in life as young adults where we must "fix" ourselves or train our emotional muscles to be able to handle relationships of all types. Yes there are external things that people may mention as part of their "to fix" list like weight gain/loss or career aspirations, etc, but those are also heavily linked to our emotions and how we manage them.

My issues? I had a hard time learning how to socialize as a kid (im still not sure why) and that lead to being teased by the popular girls in like 4th grade or something, which then lead to mistrust of girls my age, having a hard time with opening up and expressing myself on deeper levels, etc. It can all have this snowball effect which can manifest itself in some nasty insecurities.

I've started my first attempts at dating when I was like 22 (now 27) and mostly with online dating. OLD seems to really magnify one's inability to connect because its expected to happen SO FUCKING FAST. IF you can't connect fast enough, you're out. And I'm doing this all as someone with a not unattractive lifestyle. I have a decent career, moved out of my parents at 24 (first of my friends to do so), play guitar & sing, very involved with outdoor pursuits (climbing, caving, backpacking, and now getting into mountaineering), I'm in decent shape from my outdoor activities and going to the gym, I can handle myself socially (not a liability by any means). But none of those good things means anything as far as dating because if you can't connect emotionally, you're screwed (well, rather not hehe). But I'm also trying to recover from weed addiction and possible alcohol abuse so thats probably a big part of my struggles. And I abused substances to numb myself from frustrations of being lonely instead of confronting my issues. So thats currently my number one priority: getting sober.