Okay I stumbled onto this board by accident from clicking the wrong link to related subreddits and out of morbid curiosity I decided to click on and read a post and that may have been one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made on here. Holy shit this was so horrifically depressing that I stared at my wall for a good 30 minutes completely devastated after I finished reading and ended up overcooking my pasta to the point where it was mush. Its okay though because my appetite is completely gone anyway after reading this post and I now feel almost physically ill to my stomach. It just blows my fucking mind that I am reading the post from a fellow 21 year old human being who is literally stating that they plan to kill themselves in the imminent future. You know why? Because I know for a FACT that if me and you were talking 5 or 6 years from now when you and I were 26 or 27 that you would be HORRIFIED that you almost killed yourself back in those couple of shitty high school years of your life that WILL NEVER MATTER AGAIN AND EVERYONE WILL FORGET ABOUT ANYWAY IN A FEW MONTHS! I mean your not even giving yourself a fighting chance!!! You have barely even lived a fucking QUARTER of your life yet and you are convinced there is no hope for you and nothing will ever change. Here is the thing... YOU CANT KNOW THAT!!! I mean you hardly have even posted what you problems are besides you have been depressed since high school, cut yourself, were in an abusive relationship involving cheating on his part, were raped, and are afraid your friend is going to leave you. To start anyone who hasn't been depressed at some point during or since high school is a liar, cutting yourself while not healthy or productive behavior is extremely common and help is widely available that doesn't require health insurance, and at least 85% of girls I have ever known have been in an abusive relationship or cheated on. It fucking happens to the best of us and everyone of the women that I have known that it has happened to has used the experience to become a more mature and well rounded person and used it to never make the mistake again. The part where you were raped I can't really help you. I'm a 21 year old guy so I'm not going to insult you by pretending I understand what you went through. I'm just going to say that once again I know multiple women who have been raped (mostly in a similar way you described from blacking out at a party, not wanting or being able to fight the guy off, or simply having no memory at all and having the experience relayed from a witness) and EVERY SINGLE ONE has recovered from it and has learned to deal with it in their everyday lives. Once again I'm not going to pretend it was easy or that it wasn't the hardest fucking thing they ever had to go through but you have to give yourself a chance to recover for fuck sakes! I think the real problem you are having is that you are very shaken emotionally from everything that has happened and now the fact that you feel like you are going to lose your friend has pushed you over the edge. And when you look at the fact that you could lose your only friend ON TOP of everything else that you have went through then I can totally understand how you would make the snap decision that the only solution would be to kill yourself. That is fucking STUPID!! I mean in your response to DeformedDorito you said you "can tell that all your doing is dragging him down and want to give him the peace he deserves instead of a worthless and damaged best friend" You think if this guy (who you say is your best friend too BTW) found out you killed yourself because you thought that you were dragging him down that it would GIVE HIM PEACE??!! It would fucking blow his world apart! He would never have peace again in his life because all he would ever be thinking about every night before he goes to bed and till the day he FUCKING DIES would be the girl who he killed. Oh yeah I typed that correctly. You are not thinking about it from his point of view. If you do this to try to give him peace, he spends the rest of his life thinking that he killed you because he was the last friend you had and with him gone then there was no reason left for you to live. I mean jesus fucking christ, if I was your friend for example that you are referring to I know you killing yourself for me would make me feel so crushed and guilty that I would literally never leave my house again and would probably need to be committed to a mental institution.

I am really sorry I stumbled across your post. I mean it is just breaking my fucking heart... Please don't do this. Ill end with this, you said "I also now feel I'm beyond help, so anyone who knows me will be better off once I'm gone." Well guess what? I know you know. I sure as FUCK won't be better off if your gone. In fact if I came onto here in a week and saw you hadn't posted since tonight I would probably start fucking crying on the spot and be depressed for the next few months. Im sure nobody else who replied to your posts here would be better off with you gone either. And don't be sorry for wasting our time with you posting this, be sorry for wasting your entire life when it hasn't even BEGUN yet. Holy shit I am never coming back to this subreddit again. I am just unbelievably sad right now at this whole situation...