Fake magic cards

Jaccount: "HEY KID! IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD AN ACTUAL SPORTS CAR, YOU'RE A FUCKING TOOL"

Man I showed that high schooler! With his high income stream from his part time job at *generic department store* and absolutely no educational expenses he'll need to save for college, he should have no problem spending $500 to finish his cube that he plays with his friends for fun. This kid isn't financially responsible for not blowing hundreds of dollars on a board game (essentially what cube is) when he realized he had the means of making a home-made version for 4% of the cost! He's just a common THIEF! Oh, except he's not taking a product away from anyone else. Like if you steal a CD from a store, now someone else can't buy it. FORGER! THE CARDBOARD FEELS DIFFERENT!! THAT'S WORTH $480 TO EVERY HUMAN ON THE PLANET, YOU STUPID COW!!

Now hold up here, are you telling me that most young people DON'T have the money to spend $1,000 on a game? Well then they shouldn't be allowed to play of course! And they certainly shouldn't be allowed to make their own nice-looking and playable FAKES! Once he starts using fake cards, he'll literally never buy another real card again! Wizards will never see another penny from him! Especially not as he grows into an adult that has the financial freedom to afford a hobby. His hobby will be buying a printing press!

No, their cube of dishonesty must be made from common chaff and scraps that people leave behind on tables from the packs they cracked and no longer want, with the card it's proxying written in black sharpie. That way whenever anyone walks by, they can see just how POOR and ASHAMED these young men must be! And when they play, they'll constantly have to check their phones to remember exactly what their cards do. I hope you remembered to charge your phone last night!

Man, it feels so good to be so in touch with reality. I can't wait to see people's reactions when they see my post! These posers are about to see just how lame they are for not being able to afford expensive shinies, and then everyone will think I am cool! And how could they not? Being a part of the ELITE and being able to trod down on those less fortunate than myself is just the absolute coolest! I just love being so moral...

*Checks posts later* "Why can't these sheep see that I'm right and accept the fact that they are human scum?!?"

/r/EDH Thread Parent