My father died when I was young. My side of the family was never not there for him when he was sick for 3 years, when he was in hospice for months, and eventually when he died. Nobody ever said "if he chooses to not fight this, I will act like he's already dead".

I'm not using my distance from her as an excuse to not be there for her. Every single member of the family, EXCEPT her own father and sister, are here for her. And even if they weren't, not a single one would ever wish her death and never speak to her for not being able to handle her illness alone.

This is not a black and white issue. I don't know if you've ever seen what starvation does to a human being, physically and mentally, but there's a reason they use it as torture. If she chooses death, that is her choice. Saying she should be able to be in charge of her own body is like saying a person with bi-polar should be able to kill themselves during a depressive episode or jump off of a roof during a manic episode.

She is not mentally healthy, not only because of the anorexia but because of the extreme levels of malnutrition and starvation she is experiencing. Try not eating for 3 days and then try to drive. Now cut your food intake by 75% and then try living for 5 years. That is how she has been living. She starved herself to the point of not being able to walk and being "in pain everywhere".

I can be judgmental towards her father and sister because not only are they not there for her, one of them is basically wishing her a good death.

People act like mental illness is a choice. Everyone supported my father because he had a virus. It's not like the strain of being sick for years was not hard on anyone in my family. It's not like the strain of raising her children on her own while taking him to the hospital or visiting him in the hospital or being there for the last few weeks of his life when he could barely eat or drink was not hard on my mother. Every single person in my family supported him, and her, and never spoke ill of either of them.

But my cousin is now in the same position. Except her ills are in her head, not in her body, and somehow that makes it her fault.

So yes, I can be critical.