I fantasize about catching my wife maturbating. If she were to catch me she would probably leave me.

About a year ago, a friend’s son applied to serve a mission. But, the SP had not yet submitted the application to SLC. Reason the for the delay –Masturbation (MB). Complete abstinence was required. Poor kid. If he doesn’t go on the mission he’ll be branded as untouchable by Mormon girls. I have heard of other boys held up for the same reason. Then a friend of mine quoted the president of the mission in which our stake is located, “If he had to send missionaries home for MB, 50% would be sent home." MB is a big sin before your mission. Once you’re there, it’s OK?

All this got me thinking about the law of chastity for married people. The prophets have revealed it’s a sin for kids. But, I have never, ever heard it taught as a married person. What does the law of chastity entail after nuptials? Is it only the one liner in the temple—“no sexual relations except with your husband or wife to whom you are legally and lawfully wedded?” Or is MB forbidden, too? Time to ask the definitive authority on sin—the priesthood.

I started in the high priest group.
Me: ‘I don’t fully understand the temple covenants.’
Quorum: ‘Temple covenants are not to be discussed outside of the temple.’
My quest for truth & righteousness shut down!

Three weeks later, I discovered that the topic at Elder’s quorum was chastity. A divine gift to resume my quest.
Me: ‘I’d like to ask some questions about what the law of chastity forbids.’
Instructor: ‘We don’t discuss specifics because it can give some people license to try them out.’
Oh, man! I didn’t even get MB out of my mouth and was stopped dead in my tracks.

Fortunately, the high priests were a lesson behind. So, the next week I knew what to do. Blurt out my question. No preliminaries, no political correctness.
Me: ‘Is masturbation a sin for a married person, especially in view of the definition of chastity in the temple?’
Instructor: ‘I’m glad you brought that up. I had the same question, but didn’t know how bring it up.’

Cool! A tremendously interesting discussion ensued. Out of 15 men, maybe 6 spoke out. A semblance of consensus emerged. Masturbation is OK, with 2 caveats. 1) No porn should be involved. 2) Discuss with your wife first, to make sure she’s OK with it. But, the final comment made was a dissenting opinion. 'As adultery is next to murder, so MB is next to adultery.' If that statement had been made at the beginning of class, I think the discussion would have led in a completely different direction. Of course, 2/3rds of the men didn’t utter a peep. At the end of the meeting, the high priest group leader weighed in, “I don’t want anybody going home and saying that you learned today that masturbation is OK.”

My take away? Covenants-Schmuvenants. Who knows what they actually mean? MB as a sin ranges somewhere between 1) next to murder and 2) it’s not a sin if you check in with your wife beforehand. The quorum's take away? A good friend told me that a few HPs talked to him afterwards. They were worried that I had a problem with masturbation and hoped that I would go home and discuss with my wife. I had already discussed this whole issue with her. She told me not to bring it up in priesthood. People would just think I had a problem. She was right!

/r/exmormon Thread